Edward Guglielmino

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Saxophone Diner part 2

She woke up at 3pm to he neighbors next door arguing over the phone bill. Mike and William were both lovers and constantly oscillated between being totally in love and sounding like they were about to kill each other. This turned her off love a bit. The idea she had grown up with was based on “The Little Mermaid” she believed that some day her prince would come, but all who had come was a coked up Elvis impersonator who wouldn’t tell her his real name.

She would have tried to look him up on facebook if she knew his real name. She had looked up a few websites for Elvis impersonators but he was on none of them. She felt a very strong attraction but dismissed it in the middle of looking for him online. She only went for sensible men. She was thinking about him again first thing in the morning.


This was the first thing that she had said that wasn’t work related in 48 hours and it felt good. She reached for her phone.

“Received 04:40a from 0506485422

Hey cutie we met at the diner when I saw the way you walked I asked you to marry me but you just walked away the thing about that purposal is the truth be told I’ve never asked any lady to marry me before. Well not that I can remember I had no idea I had it in me. Anyway I am sitting her at the bar across the road watching you wait on tables I don’t mean to freak you out I got your number off George hes a nice guy at first he said no way but after we chatted for a while he said he was a good judge of character so he would give me your number as long as I promised to take you on a nice date and that you needed one”

She thought this was probably the longest text message she had ever received including from her mother. She scrolled down.

“Well the thing is what do you like?? I like to go somewhere posh for dinner and just put it on my credit card even if I can’t afford it. You know how money works? Well they just invent it. They just make it up at the bank they don’t have money in the safe they just invent it on a computer and then charge interest. So I am like fuck it I am going to max out all my cards before the world ends. Have you heard about 2012?? I think it might be happening not sure you should look it up on the net or something. Look anyway don’t want to freak you out and my name is actually Elvis I’ll show you my passport to prove it I don’t have a drivers license but I do drive just very safely so I don’t get pulled over I just don’t think the Government should have so much power. Anyway what night do you have off? – Elvis”

What night did she have off? Sunday, but Sunday was laundry and bills day. After that she would sometimes take a whole sleeping pill and drink two beers and watch the Sunday Movie on TV. She had been doing this for a year. Besides Elvis (if that is his real name) sounds like an absolute fruitcake. Such a date with a guy would be to much for a Sunday. His text message went on for so long imagine the dinner conversation. Anyway she spent most of her time on the net looking at Saxophone solos, and he was into some nonsense about the world ending in 3 years. No it wouldn’t work out. Not possible. There was a physical attraction there for sure (although she wouldn’t admit it to herself the strongest one she had had). But all things considered he wasn’t a viable partner.

“What if I just got laid?” she said. The second thing she had said this week that wasn’t work related. She caught herself though. She wasn’t like that. She was into serious things. Jazz music, well written books, history, and most importantly long term stable relationships. Her mother and father had been together for 35 years, her mother worked for a church group that organized charity concerts. Her father on the other hand was a criminal lawyer. On one occasion they had worked together when one of the Christian bands playing had been caught with pot on the state border. They were very different this was true, but her father and mother never drank and they loved to play cards and never talked about anything political or even religious. There was no way that this Elvis guy was going to work.

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