Edward Guglielmino

1. No one has ever offered you a lay after your show.
2. No one has ever offered to get you high before a show
3. No one has ever asked you to play one of your songs to them in the privacy of their home.
4. No one that you aren’t already friends with has written about you.
5. Aside from your album launch, you have never sold out a show.
6. Aside from you mates no one ever asks you to join them on a bill.
7. Your mother and father offer you encouragement.
8. Your manager has to ‘network’ and ‘get out there’ to ‘build your profile’.
9. When you tour you have nowhere to stay for free.
10. You have to ask if there is a rider.
11. You give away more than 10 door spots at a gig.
12. Your girlfriends don’t come to any of your shows.
13. You have never walked into any room ever and heard you album being played.
14. Your publicist has to do a big push to get your single played once.
15. You pay more than $5000 for a recording (if you are not famous).
16. You have a close and personal relationship with every fan.
17. You send a text out to remind everyone you are playing tonight (unless its one of your first gigs)
18. An A&R guy turns up and leaves after your support plays.
19. You pay to get into venues.
20. You have to remind people they were at one of your gigs.
21. When the guitar is being passed around people skip you, and you have to remind them you play.
22. You often play guitar and sing at parties, killing all conversation.
23. You ask people if you can be in their top friends on myspace.
24. You check how many plays you have had on myspace today.
25. You spam people’s comments with posters of your bands upcoming gig.
26. You use myspace for more than 15 minutes a day.
27. You talk about your band on facebook and nobody comments, then you talk about the pizza you are making and you get 50 comments.
28. You walk though customs in America and they don’t ask you whether you getting paid to play while in the USA.
29. You need to write lists to get people to read your blog.
30. You let a traveling band stay with you, but when you go to their city they already have guests.
31. You are at the bottom of your managers bio.
32. You managers bio talks more about other things they have done than the management of your band.
33. You managers bio stresses how long he has be in the industry, over your achievements.
34. Not a single person will do anything for your band free of change.
35. The room gets really chatty before you play.
36. The crowd is usually really really drunk before you play, and you aren’t a punk or metal band.
37. You have less than 100 followers on twitter.
38. Your teenage sister is more popular on any social network than you are.
39. You pay for street press advertising, but they don’t have room for an editorial.
40. You accept a low paying gig to get in front of an audience, and you have been around for more than 6 months.
41. Your boss won’t give you time off work to go on tour.
42. No one at centerlink gives a shit about your band.
43. You apply to the NEIS scheme and are rejected.
44. You apply for a grant and receive $50,000
45. You work in retail or hospitality and no-one ever recognises you.
46. You are a teacher, and not a single student comes to your gigs. (unless you teach primary school).
47. You keep a scrap book of news articles about your band, but its very difficult to cut out single sentences.
48. You seek encouragement.
49. You go to bed before 1am more than 3 times a week.
50. You don’t have any frequent flyer miles.